


Just For Tonight

by DrHannahbalLecter



Category: True Detective
Genre: Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 14:03:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4438298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrHannahbalLecter/pseuds/DrHannahbalLecter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Follow up scene to Ray's relapse in "Church in the Ruins"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just For Tonight

“Please…please, never tell him…and I’ll stay away,” Ray begs. His voice is quiet, hoarse from a throat that’s been abused by countless beers and liquor. He clutches his phone like a vice to keep him steady. “I won’t contest a thing. I’ll never _see_ him again.”

It’s those words that have him drawing in a shaky breath, doing little to calm the swelling in his chest. It’s what she wants. Hell, it’s probably what the kid wants. He can hear Gena hesitate on the other end and the urgency for an answer physically _burns_ , has him pleading with as much enthusiasm as he can muster with a coke comedown.

“Just…say yes. Please, please? J-just…say yes? And I’ll leave your lives forever.”

There’s a long pause and he doesn’t know whether she’s surprised or only pretending to deliberate for his sake. “Okay. Yes, Ray. I will do that.”

The relief in her voice is palpable, and Ray briefly wonders if he feels it the same way she does. The heaviness in his heart still compresses his lungs, but now it’s somewhat easier to breathe. Now he has his resolution. He thanks her a final time and hangs up. When he looks around, he’s numb to his surroundings, not even bothering to step around the debris of his making. He cuts out two more lines of coke and snorts them in quick succession, fishing blindly for his bottle of scotch because it’s not enough- it’s never enough. His head pounds as he swallows the liquor without tasting, only after the scald it scars down his esophagus. Both legs give out after the fourth swig, and when his cheek cracks against the wood of the floor, he thinks he sees his father smiling at him from across the room.

_Always knew you’d end up here. Difference between you and I is that my son feels compelled to see me, if only to help him fuel the bullshit illusion that he’s not me. That kid of yours doesn’t give two shits about you. Never will. Look at you. Did you really think staying clean was going to get you anywhere? This is what you are. What we are._

“Velcoro?”

He twitches in his stupor, lights dimming around his Father’s figure. The voice is no longer his, but something lenient with concern. It calls to him again and he blinks back to existence, eyes blearing up at the presence above him.

“Bezzerides,” He mumbles, closing his eyes again as soon as he recognizes her. His brain feels like it’s about to swell out of his skull and the lamp light of his living room only exacerbates that.

“Jesus Christ, Ray,” She mutters, cradling his head up from the floor. She can smell the liquor on his breath, the stench of stale smoke on his clothes.  “The fuck is the matter with you?”

“Why are you in my house?”

“Door was unlocked, and I don’t know. Guess it might have something to do with the case that we’re both on and the Chessani party we’ve got coming up, uh, _tomorrow_ night.”

Ray flinches at her exasperated whisper, but he’s grateful for the lowered volume of her voice. “Already cleared it with Woodrugh. I know my positions.”

“This party could give us everything, if you- oh Goddammit, _coke_ Velcoro?” She asks, spotting the depleted mountain of powder on his coffee table. “The night before our leading operation and you’re doing lines?”

“All due respect Bezzerides, what I do in my private life has-“

“Un-fucking-believable,” She interrupts, not here for his bullshit. Her tone is clipped and robbed of any gentility that was present before she knew what was going on. “Get up. Get up _right_ now, and get in bed.”

Ray opens his eyes again, just enough to see the seemingly perpetual, pissed off expression he’s come to know glaring down at him. He feels like he’s been shot with riot ammo all over again when he moves to sit up. “I’m fine. Just say what you came here to say and see yourself out.”

Ani watches him stand and moves fast enough to catch him when he immediately teeters to the side. “Christ, Velcoro,” She sighs, moving his arm around her shoulders for support. “Come on. Walk with me.”

He complies without objection, unable to conjure any fight in him. She manages to get him down on the mattress and slips him out of his shoes. Ray’s too gone to notice, but he does register light slap she delivers to his cheek.

“Sit up. Don’t go back to sleep, you need to drink some water.” She disappears before he can say anything.

Ray doesn’t see how she comes to a full stop when she finds the wreckage on her way to the kitchen, and he certainly doesn’t want to hear about it. She bends down to pick up a broken Warbird model, running her fingertips along the chipped wing. There’s broken glass and frames littered amongst the rubble, photos of a child that doesn’t resemble Ray in the slightest that stare up at her with empty affections. She picks up one of Ray holding a chubby toddler with hair like fire, both donning expressions of blissful joy. She almost doesn’t even recognize him. “Dammit, Velcoro,” she whispers out, placing the photo on an end table. When she returns to the bedroom, she sits at his side and offers him 3 tablets of aspirin.

“Take these,” She manages to say softly, keeping her eyes pointedly away from the broken man. “Try to drink all of that.”

Ray pops the capsules and chases them with several gulps of the cool water. Her agitation was absent now, and _Goddamn_ he doesn’t want pity. Especially not from her. She leaves his side again, only to return with a cool washcloth.

“Bezzerides-“

“Just keep still.” She says rougher, and there’s his partner. She’s no good at this, doesn’t even know what she’s still doing here. “You’re a fuckin’ mess.”

“Don’t I know it.” Ray sighs at the contact of the cool cloth across his forehead. It feels just a little bit coarser than soothing coming from her deft hands. It’s nice.

“The kid. You get some news?”

“Launched a preemptive strike. Doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Thought he was the whole reason you signed on to this again.”

“Yeah, well,” he laughs derisively, “Things change. When they don’t, you gotta change them yourself.”

“You’re not okay, Velcoro.”

“No shit.” Ani draws another sigh from him with a swipe a coolness across his cheek. “But I can do the work if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I’m worried about you,” It’s testy and blunt, not at all given for consolation. “If you’re not with us, we’re fucked. What you do impacts the rest of us.”

“I know that.”

Ani folds the cloth in half and drapes it across his forehead. “Drink the rest of that,” She orders, and it’s the same tone she uses to command her squad. The domesticity of it all is foreign and ill-fitting for the both of them, but he does as he’s told and that satisfies her. She takes the empty glass from him and places it on the nightstand, ignoring the assortment of pills and bottle caps that tumble to the floor behind it. “Do you want to…” She vaguely motions with her hand.

Ray shakes his head. He doesn’t want to talk about just as much as she doesn’t want to hear about it. Talking never did anything for either of them, but he thinks it’s sweet she asks, or even feels the need to still be here at all. They’re not friends. Neither of them are looking for that, but he knows her- knows she doesn’t make house calls for likely anyone outside her family. He’s accustomed to being alone in this stupor until it wears off, but right now her presence is something he latches on to. It’s a grapple for solidity- out of character, but he doesn’t have the capacity to analyze anything right now. He feels like he could break down again when she looks into his eyes.

“You need to sleep. Can you do that, Velcoro?”

“Yeah…”

“Okay,” She nods, placing both hands on the mattress to push herself up. “Just-“

There’s a hand over one of hers, clammy fingers snaked around her wrist.

“Can you just…dammit, Bezzerides,” Ray closes his eyes because this is desperate, even for him. “Stay. Will you just…for tonight?”

He feels the weight of the mattress shift again when she sits right back down without a word.

“Sleep, Velcoro,” she hushes, experimentally placing her hand over his on her other. She hears his small exhale of relief and keeps her hand on him, long, long after his head rolls sideways with slumber.

**Author's Note:**

> anivelcoro.tumblr.com


End file.
